Did you get into a relationship & put on weight?

I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who hadn’t started dating or got into a relationship without putting on weight. If you feel you have put on weight its not necessarily a bad thing. Maybe you was under weight beforehand or maybe not you look and feel much healthier; however, this post is for people who are unhappy about the weight they have put on since getting into a relationship.

Now this could be due to over indulging. During the early dating stages drinking at bars, eating out, ordering takeaways becomes the new norm. Once the relationship begins and you both get comfortable with each other the takeaways continue, going out stops and netflix & chill begins. Leaving the house and staying active no longer becomes a priority. At this point it gets hard losing weight by yourself. Motivation begins to fade, the time you could use to keep fit you’d rather spend with your partner and it’s hard to break habits. So I recommend if you’re serious about wanting to lose weight you have to have that conversation with your partner, be encouraging and do it together. Learn to cook together (this will also save money as we all end up with less money when we start dating), find activities you like doing together. It is easy to go eating and drinking but think outside the box; go hiking, walk around your local area, crazy golf, bowling, get creative making smoothies together. If you are both interested and willing to sign up for a gym that’s something you can do together on weekend mornings and still have the rest of the day to spend together.

Just something to think about.

To summaries, if you’ve noticed you’ve put on weight since being with your partner and you are unhappy about it, talk to each other and make a plan. You never known, keeping fit may add additional excitement to your relationship (added bonus).

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Why you should leave me alone

Recently I’ve been triggered and the old cold-hearted me is waiting to make an epic return. Over the past few years, I’ve been calm, composed and said yes or ok at times when really it isn’t ok. It’s now getting to the point I think I have ‘mug’ written across my forehead.

People have really forgotten I am a Queen.

The past few months have consisted of people calling, messaging, liking posts to get my attention and I’m really not here for it. If I don’t reply to you within a day, take your L’s and leave me alone, and in best case scenario…delete my number.

I’m done. I need new eggs.

People always want to come back into your life whether it’s been 6 months or 6 years. From my experience people tend to come back when they’re bored, looking for attention or curious and that’s what I don’t have time for. ‘I miss you’, ‘Hey, how have you been?’, ‘long time, no speak’. Is this truly necessary? If someone doesn’t want you in their life, take the hint and either give them space and they’ll come back to you or just cut ties completely.


I’m a good friend, partner, person, which is why I tend to give people too many chances. From now onwards everyone gets 1 chance. I’m too grown for the stress, aggro and time wasters. This is why I’ve been doing a lot on my own recently; I genuinely enjoy my own company and it’s refreshing at times. Truth be told, I’d rather be alone than surrounded by nonsense. Luckily, I have a close group of friends and family and that’s enough for me.
People seem to take my kindness for advantage and in the world, we live in today that kindness gets taken for granted. Recently with better mental health, I’ve been able to see clearer and see people in a different light. Due to this, I’m having a life clear up.


If you’ve got bad eggs in your life I advise you let them go. Friends, partners, anyone. If they are no good and use your good spirit for evil, show them the exit. If you are the type of person that likes to unnecessarily creep back into people’s lives, the best thing you could do is remove the temptation and delete/block all communication.

Single Summers

I don’t remember when exactly I invented ‘Single Summers’ but I love it. I really do get excited over it.

It came about during a time when I realised all my friends and I were single at the same time. One friend was really down and out about being single and me using my charm and banter as always to be supportive thought, you know what, let’s go out and do what we want to do this summer. Whether its trying different beer gardens, going for brunch every weekend or travelling to somewhere new. I love spending time with my friends especially when the sun is out and this made summer worth looking forward to. Single summers isn’t as bad as it sounds. It’s not about being a hoe, chasing guys or trying to get attention; its the complete opposite. It’s about making the most out of being single before we are older and have families or other responsibilities. It’s about taking care of number 1 and not being the singles who sit around feeling sorry for themselves.

I’d be happy if one of my friends said they were seeing someone or had a girlfriend/boyfriend but for now this is something for all to look forward to and use to make memories together.

We must make the most of the time we have on this earth before it’s too late. Furthermore, we must make the most out of English summertime before it’s too late!

I’ll be sure to share what I get up to this summer on Instagram (Solobutterflyy). If any of you feel sad or pressured about being single, don’t let this hold you back. Go out there and live life!

Distance yourself from bad vibes

Sometimes with mental health we tend to distance ourselves from people; usually the ones who care about us the most. We’re too fixated on our worries, stress and negativity to think about whether the people we do keep around are the problem.

I’ll happily admit I’ve cut close friends out of my life purely because I recognised they were no good. Friendships & relationships needs to work both ways. If you’re with someone who doesn’t ask how you are doing, calls just to check up on you or only talks about themselves, you need to question what’s the purpose of this. Depending on where you’re from, taking me (a British) for example, we don’t always like confrontation, dealing with frustrating situations or not being liked however, if you have someone in your life who isn’t bringing food to the table, simply send them away from your house (not literally but I think you get the point). I’ve had friends, even an ex who were so wrapped up in their own world and superficial behaviour that they didn’t realise I too was generally going through situations in which I needed support. When we are depressed or anxious we don’t want people to worry or feel sorry for us so we don’t make a big deal or say ‘look guys I’m depressed’ but someone real and meaningful in your life should be able to see a shift in your behaviour or even in your expressions, lifestyle and appearance.  Due to this, if you see a friend that is usually dressed to the nines and suddenly stops caring about their hair, or getting dressed up for a night out, just sit that person down and have a 1 to 1; see if they open up to you and trying to have a heart to heart.  

In whatsapp group chats there is usually one person in the group you’re closest too, or the loud one, the one with all the banter, the one with the gossip, the one who replies every 5-7 working days, the meme one and the one who reads but ‘forgets’ to reply. It’s very easy to act okay and to have a good time together but there’s no harm in opening a direct conversation with someone in the group if you pick up on something they said within the conversation that didn’t sit well with you. Sometimes people in group conversations can be indirect or like me quite passive aggressive. Check on your strong friend.

The thing with certain friends, especially the loud or the gossip is that you may question their intentions. The gossip could easily spread your business and the loud could easily make the situation about them. If there’s someone in your circle you don’t trust or can’t rely on, cut them out. If there sometimes there, sometimes not- cut them out. If you feel you’ve out grown the friendship- that’s right, you cut them out. Sounds harsh and rude but honestly, it’s a breath of fresh air to get rid of bad vibes. I’ve known people for many years and have outgrown friendships and acknowledge I’m better off without them. If I can’t confide in you and rely on you to help me get out my bad mood or to at least support me as a distraction then there’s really no time to entertain this. Sometimes it’s the people you’ve known for less time that become really good friends and its usually down to maturity and the stage in life you’re at.

Its not always friends that could be a problem. In the black community, especially within older generations (our parents, grandparents, more on) they don’t acknowledge mental illness as a thing. You must get up and continue with life, no point crying over spilled milk. The older generation believe we’re just lightweights and that they’ve been to hell and back so whatever we are going through isn’t that bad. Truth of the matter is, this world hasn’t become easier, everyday they’re constantly struggles. Culture sometimes stands in the way of treatment. In addition, seeking professional help, statically its hard to find a black professional in this field or if you do go to a Caucasian professional, would they truly understand your issues? It really depends on their experience.  I don’t think my professional understood that you can’t always just walk into a black household, sit down and openly talk about your feelings. In addition to family, your partner could have an impact.  Not everyone will have the most supportive, affectionate or understanding. How they help you deal with your mental health will determine whether they deserve a place in your life; unfortunately, you may love someone but its not always enough. Toxic behaviours and love could be one of the reasons you are feeling worried or stressed or depressed in the first place. If this is the case there are multiple reasons why you may not want to let go: fear of being alone, thinking you’ve found the one, thinking this is what you deserve, embarrassment or ending a relationship, the list goes on. However, when it comes to doing what is best for you, you need to be selfish and what’s best only  for you. Bearing this in mind, picture your life without the emotional and mental affect of this person. Think about the benefits of losing that negativity. You won’t automatically start feeling better, but you develop as a person and get to a stage in life were you will wonder why you put up with them in the first place. If you have to tell someone in your life to take a step back or to leave you for good, do you and maybe with maturity and time they will understand why.

Speedy Experience

So we went speed dating for the 1st time…

As this experience includes a close friend who did not want to be named, she’ll be called Miss X.
Me: What words would you use to describe our speed dating experience?
Miss X: Just weird.
Both: (Laughter)

Surprisingly for an unsuccessful first time, I would try it again, just not the same one. It was a strange experience but I went not expecting it to be anything other than awkward and left feeling socially confident and with that warm feeling of accomplishing something new.

The event was located in Brighton and hosted by a local organiser I called Love Doctor (purely because I forgot his name and I’m sure he said people call him that). The concept was to spend 6 minutes with each guy and after 6 minutes, we had to text the Love Doctor yes, no or coffee; coffee meaning, hmm I’m not too sure but about you, maybe we should meet again. Unfortunately, when we entered the room there was only two other women and seven men. Being a small group we could tell this would be over soon but looking around the room the saying ‘the sooner the better’ came to mind.

Before the event Miss X and I agreed we would make this into a fun social experiment and write down 1) Who we both would like (to see if we liked the same guys) and 2) Words we thought best described the experience. As you can tell from the beginning of the blog, the only answer I got was ‘Just weird’ and I agreed. Once all was over and done we both looked at each other, laughed and called an Uber as soon as possible. Sadly, none of the guys left a memorable mark. Miss X found a few cute in an ‘I feel sorry for you way’ whereas, due to my blunt personality every guy was a straight NO for me. Some came dressed very casual and didn’t seem very interested in holding meaningful conversations and others seemed like this was a night out for them and somewhat full on. I personally wasn’t attracted to anyone there physically or mentally and felt as if I had to drive all the conversations just to give through every 6 minutes.

So, you are probably thinking, Nadine why would you go through this again. Well, never let one experience prevent other experiences similar to it. Maybe if we went to a speed dating event in London, hosted by a bigger company, had a different target audience or a different theme it might have been more interesting and successful for us. We didn’t meet anyone we would have liked to meet again but we felt happy knowing we put ourselves out there and gained confidence, speaking to people we would never speak to in general. Mentally it was a success.

I would 100% recommend leaving Tinder, Bumble, your multiple boyfriends/girlfriends for the night and have some fun speed dating. You might not leave with the person of your dreams but you will leave laughing with your best friend and making memories. You never know, you may find someone you like and end up exchanging numbers or continue drinking throughout the night.

Little Note! I know people who have done speed dating with a twist by going to a Dating Against Humanity or Jenga event – give these a go! I will be next time.

Preparing myself.

“Single black female addicted to retail”- Kanye West

Amongst my friends & I, we are always in discussion about the struggles of being a black British female. We as a close group have exceeded OUR OWN expectations by going to University, doing a degree or two, gaining further qualifications, seeing the world and proving ourselves in work, but still, we fail to find love.

Are men threatened by our achievements? By our independence? As black females are we stereotypically portrayed as ‘too much’?

The real question is, why are we questioning the above in the first place? If men are threatened by growth and a woman exceeding them, then they’re not for us and it’s their loss. 🤷

I personally tend to fill all voids with going overboard on ASOS and spending my payslip on bodysuits and dresses  I don’t need; reminding myself I’d be more broke if I had a man. However, this is a force of habit I’ve managed to kick and I would not advise meaningless spending or thinking “well if I was out on a date I’d probably be spending £30 so I might as well spend £30 on myself and this cute shift dress”. My friends and I have half truth banter “when will you marry?!”, “if I don’t laugh, I’d cry lol” but on a serious note, being black and single in London is tough. We can feel pushed aside as if we are being stereotyped and sometimes as if we are not good enough. Our achievements and beauty don’t seem to be recognised in the mainstream. I believe this is due to social media’s such as Twitter and Instagram selling body images of Kardashian wannabes and cute relationship stories, however, in truth we are enough and we do better personally and professionally each day. When we stop focusing on other people and social media it means we have time to focus on ourselves build on our own confidence.


Here are some ways to deal with this:

  • Spend time alone: Don’t jump into any relationships just because. If you have spent most of your time focusing on your career, education or other aspects of your life you probably haven’t had much time to focus on relationships. Get to know what you like, what you want from a partner and what you want for yourself. Do you want a family person? Someone that supports your money moves? Someone who accepts your Netflix binge? And what do you want from them personally? Ambitious? Cultured? Educated? Once you ask yourself these questions you will know to not settle for less or settle just because. In addition from being alone, you will gain confidence and a ‘bad bitch’ mentality (I know from my friends’ experiences…including my own).
  • Confidence: If you are at the confidence stage, what is stopping you from putting yourself out there? Maybe you don’t want to physically go out and meet someone alone or like me, you don’t want to waste time and money dating the wrong one or maybe hearing too many Tinder nightmares has become off-putting; if you don’t put yourself out there you will not find what you are looking for. Personally, I am not a fan of Tinder, Bumble, Plenty Of Fish etc as they don’t seem to work for me, however, you don’t know until you try it. If you are not ready to date, use online dating as a platform just to start talking to people and boost that confidence. If online dating really isn’t your thing, grab a friend and go to a dating/social event or trying joining an activity group.
  • Stop Planning: Five years ago if you asked me where would I be I’d say at 23 I’d be with the love of my life, expecting baby number 1. I’m near 25…man-less and child-less. We as women need to stop putting pressure on ourselves to get married, have kids, have a mortgage. Continue to live your best life and go with the flow!
  • Most Importantly STOP DOUBTING YOURSELF: Nowadays woman being too ambitious and well educated is still seen as a flaw, however, embrace it! You work hard for a reason; when you meet the person of your dreams they will love and appreciate your drive just as much as you appreciate yourself.

The right person will come along when you least expect it.

If you would like to discuss this further or need advice, feel free to go to my “Let’s Talk” and schedule in a session.

Date Night Suggestions

Its a little attention to detail that shows you care.

Whether you are spending Valentine’s/ date night with your main or side partner, friends or even alone, here’s a list of suggestions.

  1. Crazy Golf
  2. Evening at the theatre
  3. Romantic dinner with an amazing view (can’t go wrong with a rooftop)
  4. Chocolate making workshop
  5. Cocktail making at a bar
  6. Valentine’s swing boat party (London, UK)
  7. London Eye- Cupid’s capsule/Champagne Experience/add a River cruise (London, UK)
  8. Afternoon Tea at a 5* Hotel
  9. Spa day/Massage
  10. Exhibition (eg. The Equality Exhibition)
  11. If you are always out & about, Netflix and chill. Add a takeaway or cook a romantic meal
  12. Kew Gardens’ Orchid Festival (Open from 9th February)
  13. Eurostar (day trip to Paris or Brussels)
  14. Private booth in a bar
  15. Romantic stroll (simple things, make a big difference!)
  16. Back to where you first met (if you have good memories)
  17. Hotel getaway
  18. Museum
  19. Dinner on a river cruise
  20. Get baking together
  21. Go-karting
  22. Road trip
  23. Rent a cabin for the night
  24. Salsa dancing
  25. Wine tasting
  26. Comedy club
  27. Jazz Cafe
  28. Zoo
  29. Gig/Concert
  30. Picnic in the park
  31. Games Cafe
  32. Adult ball pit
  33. Shard- Champagne Experience (London, UK)
  34. Go on a hike
  35. Trip to the seaside/Pier
  36. Spend the day shopping
  37. Ice skating
  38. Poetry reading
  39. Cinema
  40. Sushi making workshop

Whatever you do end it with dinner; everyone’s happier fed!