Relationships: Why you shouldn’t settle

This post can be broken down into so many elements/ sub-posts. From this I could talk about love vs lush, feeling stable and comfortable, not knowing your worth, being scared of being alone. However, to keep it as a blog post and not a book I’ll try to keep it limited. In the work edition, I spoke about being trapped in a job, the same can happen in a relationship. In the friendship edition, I talk about outgrowing friends, the same can happen in a relationship. 

Sometimes dreams can be blinding. In a world where people nowadays only meet in clubs or on tinder, it has become even harder to find that special someone no matter how easy dating apps are trying to make it. Due to this, you may dream of being married, having kids, having that house and when you meet someone who wants the same thing you could end up holding onto them without a second thought. Just because someone wants the same as you doesn’t mean they want it with you…and vice versa. Age plays a part in this; the need to meet goals in life by a certain age or hearing the biological clock ticking. From the men, I know they don’t feel the biological clock as much as the women I know and assume they’ll have everything when they’re 30-32. I’ve had many friends say “I’m going to get married when I’m 30” yet they have no interest in finding someone and setting a foundation before the age of 30. So when you hit 30 are you just going to find any woman and get married just because?

I have never been afraid of commitment, but I have always asked myself what if. That’s the fear of settling down with the wrong person and not knowing for sure if they’re the one. Even with the butterflies and the nervousness, at first sight, I’m still unsure of that person because it’s entering the unknown. Suppose in this sense you could say I have a fear of settling but this is because I know what I want, and I know my worth. I know what I expect from a partner, I know what I expect in the relationship and I know what I expect from life. It won’t always turn out exactly how I want it however if you have truly experienced love and life you will know your worth and understand why settling isn’t an option. You may feel so defeated by your previous or current relationship that you would want to settle and say enough is enough however if you are thinking like this, a relationship shouldn’t be in your mind right now. If you do feel defeated it’s time for you to go on a journey of selfishness. 

They say it takes 3-4 months for couples to finally feel comfortable with each other in a relationship. Being comfortable with someone doesn’t necessarily mean you’re in the right relationship. Having someone that makes you feel warm and safe are things we all desire from a relationship, however, over time (years) things can change and it is possible to fall out of love and out of desire for that person. As crushing to the soul as heartbreak is, don’t stay with someone just because you think it’s the right thing to do and you don’t want to hurt feelings. Again, age plays a part in this element, with a hint of maturity. On the other end of the scale, there is a thing of being too comfortable. When someone gets too comfortable they feel like they can do or say anything, and you’ll accept it and move on. Soon enough you could end up become a pushover. It’s a wonderful feeling to be comfortable with another person and to be able to be yourself with that person but there needs a line in relationships and sometimes being too comfortable can be considered as crossing the line. This is why we hear stories of couples of have been together for more than 10 years and ‘out the blue’ break up. Things can get too comfortable and feel too routine and before you know it a relationship can feel like a partnership. By saying all this, I don’t mean leave your loved one asap and find someone else. There are many ways you can both try to make it work and bring passion back into a relationship, however, if you have done all you can and are only staying because you don’t know if you’ll find someone else then that is a reason I cannot accept. In relation to this, if you have tried with someone or you have fallen out of love with someone but stay with them because of the kids or because you don’t want to break up the family, don’t use this as an accuse. Think about your happiness. Kids are important however your partner can remain in your children’s life but you need to find your own. It’s not you breaking up your family, it’s you finding closure and your peace. Make plans and the necessary arrangements between your partner and your kids and find your love. People tend to stay with someone they are out of love with because of the kids however they’re smart enough to pick up on behaviours and they can pick on up attitudes and signs that could make things for them even worse.

Never settle when it comes to your heart. 

OCD: Mental discomfort?

Warning signs at work

At work, it is so easy to stay in your own bubble or to stay close in a tight ‘work squad’ and forget about other people. Do you ever take time to think about the people around you?

That person you think is being a ‘bitch’ or that person who’s always negative or quiet might be going through something whether in their personal or professional life. It doesn’t hurt and it doesn’t cost you anything to ask that person if they’re ok or if they might want to join you for lunch sometime. People always think what if and think they could have done more when it is too late. If you see signs that someone isn’t doing well, don’t stand back and wonder, step in and ask. A common sign would be a change in behaviour or someone becoming standoffish. Another common sign could be someone who is usually loud or constantly talking as that could be a coping mechanism; a way of taking their mind of what is happening in their life. People who suffer from mental health or have difficulties may keep things hidden especially at work. If you are someone who is not comfortable approaching someone that you don’t know, you can send them information via email of any mental health awareness news, posts or events that are coming up at work.

Be Impulsive

Being impulsive has got me far in life and so far so good. My personality is pretty spontaneous and if anyone has been on my Instagram, you’ll see my posts are very random. My spontaneousness shows in all aspects of my life. It had led me to travel alone, handing in my notice from a vile job (with no job to go into), arranging cute dramatic dates with my friends, making new memories. Not only would life be dull without this personality trait but I would have never had some of the opportunities I’ve had without out it.

Check this…
I’ve always wanted to blog but never had the time to. After leaving my job last year I had nothing to go into. I had back up money, faith in my decision and didn’t want to be treated a certain way so I left without warning. I deserved a break anyways but I didn’t take a break. I got into volunteer work, found part-time work, started coaching and mentoring and made a website for my blog at last. It was a long time coming but I needed a moment to think and take a leap of faith. Yes, I am now in full-time work but beforehand I would have never believed I could have done this. It took an act of impulse to sit down on a day off whilst part-time and put together what I have now. That’s one out of many experiences I could share but the point is being impulsive has paid off. Sometimes impulsive behaviour rubs off on others for the better and provides a lift of confidence.

Being impulsive can be risky but it is riskier on health to do nothing at all but think ‘what if’. Never let your mind hold you back otherwise you’ll never move forward.

Whats on your bucklist?

Most people make new year resolutions but I’ve never seen the point in them unless you’re someone who genuinely sticks to resolutions and follows them through to the end. Personally I like to make a bucket list at the beginning of summer. It gives me enough time to think about what I want to do and usually summer brings on ‘good vibes’ which means I’m more liking to do what I want to do rather than during the Winter.

Recently I’ve been busy focusing on blogging and working so my list this year is very short but I don’t put a deadline on when activities and tasks need to be completed.

I love the feeling of accomplishing what I have set out to do and it’s nice to write down my plans and tick them off once they have been completed, instead of sitting at work, feeling as if I’m wasting time.  

For now, I want to travel around the UK more, maybe head towards Scotland, revisit the Lake District and continue my quest to find the best mac and cheese in London.

I want to make the most of all my qualifications and find the dream job, get on the housing ladder within the next 2-3 years and focus more on me.

So I ask you, what’s on your bucket list?

How to lose weight in the office

  • Substitute lunch breaks for time in the gym if you have a gym locally or within the building. If you have an hour for lunch, 20-30mins can be spent in the gym
  • Stop snacking. This will seem impossible at first however after a week has passed it will get easier to just stick to breakfast and lunch at work.
  • If you have tried and really cannot give up snacking. Swap crisps and chocolate for fruits, hummus, boiled eggs etc.
  • Lower tea and coffee intake
  • Get up for 10mins every hour and have a walk
  • Get your whole team involved in healthy eating; possibly make it into a competition
  • Early morning smoothies (homemade)
  • If you live local to work, forget public transport and begin to work to & from work (for the first 2 weeks start by walking home from work)
  • Find a work colleague who is willing to keep motivating you
  • Add the gym to your routine before or after work a few times a week
  • Manage lunch portions and the times you eat to avoid overeating
  • Check your work intranet for any health or fitness weeks or competitions you can get involved in